He was a television icon, a history maker alongside the face of the dawn of the sitcom genre. But he was also a womanizer. A musician. A husband. A father. Desi Arnaz was a man of many hats, capable of inspiring unprecedented laughter while also harboring a fiery temper. But it’s his children who help shed light on the full picture of just who Desi Arnaz really was.
Just how was Desi as a father? How did his thirst for alcohol and women destroy his supposedly picturesque family life with Lucille Ball? Did he ever find forgiveness? The answer is far less than the wholesome scenes we saw on TV. There’s some ‘splaining to do about Desi Arnaz, as told by those who knew him, including his children. Without further ado, let’s uncover the turbulent life of Desi Arnaz.
Did Desi Arnaz come from a wealthy family?
Desi was born all the way in Cuba, where his father held political office as his home city’s youngest mayor – and the descendant of some old Cuban royalty. But in ‘33, the Cuban Revolution broke out and completely uprooted Desi’s whole family. A mob even destroyed their entire property and livestock.
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The family lost everything and Desi barely escaped the fray. His mom went into hiding. His dad wasn’t so lucky and actually ended up jailed. Desi’s uncle worked hard to get him out and finally, they could all flee with what little they had to Miami, Florida.
Desi was just 17 when his family fled their home, practically penniless, and didn’t speak a lick of English. He and his dad stayed in a garage and their roommates were rats and roaches. Everyone remembers their first job. Desi’s was working at a local Woolworth’s… and cleaning bird cage droppings.
But the whole time? Desi had hope – and through this whole chaotic phase of his life, he became a budding patriot because he knew no matter where he fell, in America, he could climb back up. So he let his dreams stay big and grand and turned his attention to showbiz. He built up a name for himself – and introduced the conga line from Cuba to U.S. clubs!
Was Lucy really engaged when she met Desi?
Love, in all its messy forms, defined the truly complicated relationship between Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball. They were in love when they met! Just… not with each other. The year was 1940 when both rising stars crossed paths on the set of Too Many Girls, and boy, isn’t that a coincidence. The two were unlike anything America – or each other – had ever seen. Lucille tended to date older, taller men. The two started chatting and couldn’t stop, set up a dinner date, crossed paths at the beach, and stuck together like magnets.
Oh, and they were both in very serious relationships with other people at the time. Desi was with a girl he nicknamed Freckles, and Lucille was outright engaged. The story goes Lucille broke off the engagement the next day.
After that, the couple was inseparable. Actress Ruta Lee saw Lucille oscillate between an independent woman way ahead of her time and a traditional demure housewife whenever it came to Desi. They were stuck together like glue, whether America liked it or not – and some really didn’t like it. For one, the couple lied about their ages; Lucille was six years older than Desi and execs would have made a whole thing about it.
Indeed, they made a whole thing about Lucille being American born and raised, and Desi a Cuban. In fact, the higher-ups at CBS warned Lucille the American public would never go for a show revolving around a couple like this. In classic Lucille fashion, she stood her ground and boy was she right, setting herself and Desi up as the first interracial couple on American TVs. The Supreme Court hadn’t even legalized interracial couples yet! It was this first-ever mixed couple that showed the world just how successful this television show thing could be. Talk about the original Hollywood Power Couple.
The children learned some tough lessons seeing Arnaz and Ball split
Desi and Lucille were in the spotlight like no couple ever was before, and behind the scene of their sweet, idyllic marriage was the stuff of dreams… on the surface Before, during, and after Desi’s time with Lucille, there was a ton of cheating. In fact, right after they started going out, they worked on their own projects before Lucille heard Desi met up with his ex-lover, actress Betty Grable. She showed up at his house and told him off and Desi proposed.
But it was a bandaid on a persisting flesh wound. Desi’s first girlfriend, nicknamed Freckles, never protested even when she knew he was cheating on her with Lucille. That made him feel terrible but he did it anyway, and that would be a bit of a theme in his life. In his memoir, Desi would admit, quote, “Even though I might have done some bad things in my life, none of them could have been as bad as what I did to her.”
Lucille and Desi had conflicting schedules, one wrapping up just as the other had to head out. This and Desi’s wandering eye made romance and intimacy hard to coordinate, and when they tried for a baby, Lucille suffered several miscarriages before they conceived their first child, baby Lucie.
For a while, things changed for the better. Desi and Lucille biographer Bart Andrews asserted, “Some of Desi’s womanizing was alleviated from the moment little Lucie was born.”
Director William Asher seconds this, saying Desi looked especially tender in the episodes of I Love Lucy that followed their daughter’s birth and there was some hope having children might change Arnaz for good.
But for some people, success also means more to lose and farther to fall, and Desi started feeling the pressures of, well, everything, from family to work, being this sitcom icon and husband to the legendary Lucille, and managing their company, Desilu Productions. Up went the drinking and cheating levels.
It was an open secret Desi’s father and grandfather had mistresses and even had separate properties to see them at. Those who knew Lucille and Desi knew they could both be a real piece of work – which is also why Ms. Ball is in our list of Real-Life Hollywood Jerks, so catch more on her there.
Once, Ball saw a magazine that promised the juicy details on who Desi was sleeping with – who wasn’t his wife. It went into detail about him and a relative recruiting ladies who were referred to as, quote, “cuddle-for-cash babes,” and how the women left, quote, “considerably richer.” Ball disappeared into her dressing room, came out, and told Desi right to his face, “I could tell them worse than that.” Some of his alleged affairs included dancer Lillian Molieri and actress Patricia Medina.
The children of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz inherited more than just money
Before they split, Desi and Lucille became the parents of two: Lucie and Desi Jr. According to Lucie, Lucille balanced and separated her work life and home life, keeping all the zany antics to the stage, and using her mind for organization and discipline at home to run an organized household.
Lucie called her mom a “list maker.” As for Desi, she says he had a love of life and a sense of humor she called twisted. But Lucie inherited her appreciation for music from him, and his business sense, operating by some simple rules: if you don’t know, ask. “There are no stupid questions.” Hire the right people who can do their job. And if you don’t know what to do, don’t do anything, which actually helped his daughter a lot!
Arnaz and Ball’s children were affected by their parents’ messy relationship in different ways. Lucie got a front row seat to learning that love… is complicated. As for her brother Jr., we’ve got a whole deep dive on his own tragic and inspiring fall and rise from the ashes, so be sure to check that out next! His story is something else, and a reminder of something he’s very aware of: he and his famous parents are just people, like everyone else.
Lucie and Desi Jr. inherited some life lessons – wisdom from their parents and some difficult, firsthand wakeup calls – and something a bit more tangible. Lucille set it up so Lucie was a trustee in her estate, then split it three ways between her second husband and her two kids.
Did his children ever see Desi Arnaz get sober?
Desi’s substance abuse exacerbated problems that were already there, like his quick temper, poor choices, and attitude. It’s something that would plague his life and that of his son – and it’s his son who would help him. Lucie tells how Desi, quote, “resisted going into any program for a long, long time.” The family didn’t want to air their dirty laundry to others; the idea made Desi sick.
But so did the alcohol. And so did the death of his second wife, Edith. When Jr. saw his dad so downtrodden, he told him, quote, “Come on, Dad. You can do this.” That was enough to get Desi on the road to recovery and Jr. was right there with him when Desi said, “My name is Desi and I’m an alcoholic.”
Sadly, this huge step happened not long before Desi would leave this world.
What did Desi Arnaz say to Lucy before he died?
Not long after getting sober, Desi found out he had lunc cancer. But Lucille’s lives were forever connected by that point, even after splitting, and they worked better as friends. Lucille’s close friend, actress Carol Channing, once said, “They spoke so lovingly of each other, you almost forgot they weren’t together anymore.”
That’s because what Lucille called their “unconditional love for each other” just couldn’t die. As she put it, quote, “There was forgiveness. There was understanding. There was an appreciation for that other person and what you got from that other person, regardless of the stuff that hurt that never went away.”
So, Desi still had his family in his life when he died at 69, on December 2, 1986. He passed away in his daughter’s arms while Lucie held the phone and he talked to Lucille, who said the same three words to him over and over: I love you. And Desi said back, “I love you, too, honey. Good luck with your show.”
Desi Arnaz’s life was an adventure packed with loss and victory, sometimes at the same time. And sometimes for our benefit. He was half of the formula that revolutionized television as a whole, experimenting with the use of film, introducing the very idea of reruns, and bringing in a live audience where one shouldn’t have fit. He gave his kids great advice both as a cautionary tale and as fatherly wisdom. And often, he could have used that guiding voice himself – and did, when it mattered most.
What was your favorite episode of I Love Lucy? What surprised you most? Who should we cover next? Get in the comments and let us know!
