Zack Walkter

There’s nothing wrong with twins. They’re just another miracle of life like the rest of us! Well, I guess I should say there’s no such thing as the “rest of us,” we’re all the same — twins included! Most of the time, twins are just two moderately confusing people. It’s confusing when they look alike and it’s confusing when they don’t. We’re not here to talk about those twin friends and their adorable rhyming names. We’re here to talk about that Shining-level of twin business where the only thing freakier than one person, is two freaky people. Two freaky folks that share every aspect of their DNA and are probably telepathic, or at very least, would murder for one another. That’s at the very least, but we can get to that later. Here are 15 photoshoots revolving twins that are just downright confusing. 1. Monsters In The Making Sure, their lives turned out totally normal and mundane. Let’s pretend these aren’t the chubby faces of two youngsters that just shot a polar bear in its heart because they devoured a snowshoe rabbit that made the mistake of getting too close. Yeah, these are totally normal children with no malice in their hearts. They absolutely stand with the posture of a British soldier. It’s not like those aren’t the deadest eyes I’ve ever seen, and those chubby faces don’t emanate a chill much colder and stranger than whatever winds whipped past their little bonnets. Of course, those twins don’t look like the kind of children who would say they wanted to see what an animal looked like on the inside. They’re two totally normal dead-inside baby twins, right? pinterest.com 2. The Twinsy Turtleneck Well, I highly doubt that two men with such shiny hair lack the resources to buy a second turtleneck. If you calculate the money they must have spent on conditioner, it’s at least enough to buy another shirt. I also doubt the necessity of anyone that Nordic-looking (and generally pale) wearing white ever — even if their skin is absolutely free of any blemishes, but we’ve got bigger problems than that. Maybe their embrace is so upsetting because we know they shared the same hug for nine months as they developed and became twins. Maybe it’s just tough because they’ve elected to be photographed inside a makeshift cocoon. Oh boy, this picture is really the gift that keeps on giving, even when we respectfully ask for it to stop. So please stop this torture; stop staring at me with your self-satisfied smugs. lifedaily 3. The Scariest Cereal Great, so I won’t buy whatever these young girls are selling since it’s most likely poisoned. Or I will buy it, whatever angers them less and keeps them from attacking. Oh, a cereal that causes me to strangle my beloved pets and also tastes like synthetic cinnamon? Well, what else would demon twins be selling? What horrific—possibly cursed—Girl Scout cookies that box is a sick imitation of. Of course, if these girls came to my door, that’d be even worse. Then they’d know where I live. Actually, if any of these twins know where I live (especially the Olsens), I’d eat up that cursed cereal, go on a rampage, and stay safe in a high-security prison. Where no twins can break in. (At least I hope not.) grapee.jp 4. The Most Annoying Twins Other sets of twins might be horrifying or creepy or possible ghosts, but they’re not aggravating. They don’t annoy you with their tans and frosted tips; they terrify you with their hand-sewn lace-necked Victorian dresses. These Scandinavian demons change all that. They’re the Ed Hardy of abominable twins. They’re the gatekeepers of an unbearably loud, strobe light-spangled purgatory where you can only ever find a bathroom for the opposite gender, but not your own and you always have to pee. A terrible place where you can scream for water, but only ever get orange-flavored sparkling water. They’re the gargoyles preventing our escape from a disgustingly muggy indoor space where the sheer density of bodies can cause an asthma attack. They’re just the worst. Believe me. teamjimmyjoe.com 5. Twins That Jazzercise Together Boy oh boy, what a talented family. Not only can they sew matching tie-dye tank tops, and grow bangs at different lengths that are identically odd, they can also do whatever watered down gymnastics-like nonsense this is. Does the one in front rub it in her sister’s face that she can do full-on splits? Will that foster a lifelong grudge that ends in homicide? Is that little girl wearing a teal sports bra or do her leggings go up all the way like some female wrestling uniform? Who knows! For now, they’re just two young girls about to be laughed off the stage at whatever sleep away camp talent show they’re about to perform at. Wow, the beginning of such an uncomfortable, bitter tale. Of course, it’s started with teal Spandex, as many tragedies often do. Awkward Family Photos 6. Identical Expressions The only thing cuter than these two little munchkins in their Sunday finest is how such a young child could consider the man whose liver she’ll someday eat raw, with absolutely no expression. Oh, to be the photographer that posed these girls and assumed their gazes passed for adoring and not ravenous. What an innocent, stupid photographer to not notice that when these little girls smile, they actually have giant direwolf-sized fangs in their mouths that can’t wait to devour their only caretaker. Does this older brother (or pale uncle) deserve the trap they’ve set for him? Honestly, this picture was taken back when people paid money to see twins, so we can safely assume he deserved that and worse. What a completely horrifying family! pinterest.com 7. So Many Years Together Oh boy, to have seen so much of life and still opt for leopard print. What a life garishly lived. And what fur coat is complete without a matching cowboy hat? Why, what’s the use of cheetah print if it’s not spangled across two terrifying twins? Sure, let’s delve into that unique hell shared by them was the only person they’re more likely to kill than us is each other. Why not pretend it was by accident when one turns up dead? It’s less horrifying than a full-on look into their lives, so let’s just not question the circumstances that cause two grown women to dress identically. In the words of a wise traffic cop that’s one more DUI away from being kicked off the force, “there’s nothing to see here. Move along.” pinterest.com 8. A Terrifying Home If we’re this deep in this twin mansion, that we’ve made it to the drawing room, it’s probable that we’ll never get out. Say goodbye to the welcoming sunshine of a world filled with totally distinguishable people, because we are now prisoners of the Cardigan Twins. Yes, we shall all eat the porridge these twins eat for every meal and draw their lukewarm baths. What’s their assigned sex, anyway? When did mustard become a color for holiday sweaters? Was the money that paid for that elaborate fireplace earned by murder? Oh boy, so many questions with positively no answers. And yet — with our eternities spent as these twin’s captives, I’m sure we’ll piece together a few answers that leave us with even more perplexing realities over the decades. What fun! pinterest.com 9. Same Smiles The great news about these twins is that we can avoid them murdering us in our sleep as long as we don’t make fun of their headgear. And by ‘headgear,’ I mean absolutely lovely, charming dental accessories that are not at all cartoonishly embarrassing. They’re like jewelry for the mouth! A sort of functional pre-grills grills. What a ravishing addition to hexagonal glasses. Yes, as long we step on verbal eggshells around these two stunning, non-dorky girls we can avoid the end of a sharpened stick. What a comforting thought. In another world, what kind of amazing drama would play out between two twins where only one needs headgear? That’s the pre-pubescent Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? I want to know all about. pinterest.com 10. Identically Terrifying Awww, there’s no bond like the ones sisters share. Sure, you might argue about where to bury the little boy you shovel-slammed to death, but when his vengeful ghost pops up in your terrifying portrait, howling about a lack of justice, you girls still stick together. It’s so nice to see two strong, empowered demon spawn working together to accomplish more than they could alone. Or at least dig a much deeper grave than just one little girl could. Wow, it would be such a relief to feel at least separated from these hell twins by the passing of time and assume they’re grown old and passed since this photo was taken. If I wasn’t already convinced they’re eternal beings, sucking the lifeblood of children to subsist forevermore, I’d say nicer things… pinterest.com 11. The Least Adorable Oh look at that, it’s those two adorable blonde girls that turned their father into a piñata for suggesting a pony wasn’t the right pet for an apartment. Why it’s those sisters that wore their mother’s face as a mask when she wouldn’t let them watch Family Guy! Oh boy, and they’re dressed festively as they contemplate how the photographer’s body will look once their giant snake eats the head. Isn’t that nice? Say hi to the little girls before they lead you straight into a human-sized meat smoker while singing a song with no words! Isn’t that nice? They’re cutting the brakes on the neighbor’s cars! Won’t the neighbors be delighted when they find that out and it’s too late! I know what you’re thinking, but I swear I’m not at all terrified of these small children… pinterest.com 12. All The Patterns Choo away! it’s not worth it. Look, the twin train is pulling into the station and whoever dressed these poor girls clearly f**ked up when they should have stuck with either polka dots or checkered squares — but not both. We’re all better off taking a nap on the train tracks because this is obviously the end. Then again, maybe we should be less terrified by these children and more worried about how easily accessible this picture is. If this picture of you got passed around on the Internet, and you had a loyal, identical hench-twin… the vengeance you would wreak is unimaginable. Let alone if you were raised by an adult that would facilitate this. These confused train conductors might just be the last sight I ever see for even posting this. Awkward Family Photos 13. The Full Set Sure, the ’80s was a weird time. I wasn’t there, but even I know that it was. Heck, ’80s themed days at school get weird enough around four in the afternoon. That doesn’t make matching side-part, permed couples any better. Throw in all of those different patterns, fabrics, and the male twins inability to smile without looking like a killer whale — and this whole deal is absolutely not okay. Why are the brothers wearing some kind of chaps and semi-corduroy button ups? Do they have matching bulls to tame after posing with these sisters who are vaguely dressed like nurses? Did the teeth on their necklaces come from the last sea creature they caught and bit into while it was still alive and thrashing in their identical hands? oddee.com 14. Such Terrible Brothers Wow, such strapping young men that probably went on to do truly terrible things together. Those are the faces of two mini monsters that would keep each other’s darkest secrets at any cost. There’s no right or wrong when you can have such an overly loyal accomplice — it just depends on what you can pull off without being caught. There’s no such thing as justice when these brothers have each other’s backs because they really would kill each other. Have you ever seen such lipless children before? Wouldn’t it be creepier if they grew up not to be evil but just to pharmacists? And when you imagine them as adult pharmacists, aren’t they secretly poisoning their patients? Or taking out their evilness in their personal lives but not just living as two contributing members of society? pinterest.com 15. This Poor Chair This portrait was presumably taken to commemorate the day that these twins slaughtered their caregiver (or the evil nuns) that were in charge of them and the entire village. Maybe they had a portrait taken to celebrate unhinging their jaws and swallowing another child whole. That chair is exactly the size to fit one normal sized person…and not two pint-sized demons. By the way, when you’ve got a scary child, a random bow in the center of your dress doesn’t help anyone. A bow won’t backtrack the dead look in their eyes and make everything adorable or even close to okay. A tiny black bow does nothing to negate the evilness going on here, it just amplifies it. That kid is still terrifying and the bow is now creepy. pinterest.com Credits: thethings.com Share this story on Facebook with your friends.