In 1954:
You should wear a bikini if it feels right! No one will give it a second thought after Brigitte Bardot wore one at Cannes. Bonus: designers are starting to use structures previously reserved for undergarments, so you’ll feel supported physically if not emotionally. (I mean…it’s the ’50s.) (And you’re a woman.)
In 1966:
If you love a stream but hate the mainstream then consider donning your old bloomers, because after the bikini made its magazine cover debut for Sports Illustrated‘s very first swimsuit issue, it’s officially the swimwear of the moment.
But you know what? Those bloomers were flannel (!) and it’s the ’60s! So just do it!
In 1986:
That one-piece was cool but it had some diaper-ish undertones, so let’s sex it up a little bit with a high-cut almost-string bikini that will (upside!) look great below or on top of your spandex workout gear but will (downside!) also prompt the introduction of something you never ever asked for: the Brazillian wax.
I’m so sorry. But look how happy you are.
In 1997:
Nothing like an economic boom to give you some serious options. High-cut, low-cut, adjustable straps, side-boob, lifeguard one-piece, supermodel two-piece. The world is your oyster which is an especially appropriate metaphor here, don’t you think? But the real crowd-and-thigh-pleaser is your favorite skimpy red one-piece a la Baywatch.
Extra points if you’re run off into the sunset and don’t stop until 2016. See you out there!