“From Classy to Sassy: Stewardess Duds”
Airlines like Pan Am and PSA knew a thing or two about pleasing their customers. Stewardesses wore vibrant, choreographed outfits that showed little a leg. These ladies were usually young and intelligent, and in some cases, trained nurses who happened to be very attractive. When the look changed from foxy to frumpy, passengers and flight attendants got a little wacky. Remember Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater? He cursed out an entire aircraft, popped open a beer and exited the plane by deploying the emergency exit slide.
“Watch This Footage of an Actual In-Flight Fashion Show!”
“Smoking on Planes”
We know some of you may disagree, so we’ll leave you with two words: Stress-Relief. In case you were wondering why there are still ashtrays in airplane bathrooms, here you go:
From the Code of Federal Regulations for airworthiness: Regardless of whether smoking is allowed in any other part of the airplane, lavatories must have self-contained, removable ashtrays located conspicuously on or near the entry side of each lavatory door, except that one ashtray may serve more than one lavatory door if the ashtray can be seen readily from the cabin side of each lavatory served.
“Onboard Piano Bars”
Airlines have pretty much eliminated the fundamental elements needed to have a good time and replaced them with expensive shots in small plastic cups. Too much chaser, not enough drink.
The last time I fell asleep on a plane wasn’t because of a magical pill. It was because of the two vacant seats next to me. This kind of catnap sprawl rarely happens. Remember the good ol’ days? When flying, with a little bit of imagination, was reminiscent of lounging in your living room? The little reclining capabilities the seats do have make the act of stretching nearly impossible. Or how about cramped space? Passengers are expected to crawl over one another to visit the bathroom. While the aisle seat seems desirable for this advantage, you then have to put up with the classic elbow-bump from the drink cart.
“Visiting the Cockpit”
From the moment you step onto a plane, they have the ability to unleash a fear of impending doom. Being over 21 may ease your flying woes, but what about children? How about those who are rambunctious? Every parent needs an easy ploy to get them to behave. And let’s face it: Adults totally get a kick out of peeking in the cockpit, too.
Toasting after takeoff and food buffets have gone by the wayside, so be prepared for carry-ons that aren’t meant for stowaway. These kinds, usually purchased at the airport terminal, remind us of two things: the way restaurant smell lingers on your clothes, and how hungry we are.
At one time, flying was designed to resemble a party full of fabulous people in great clothes. As the champagne ceases to flow, the party fizzles and the guests go home. Then it’s time for pajamas and bed. Passengers have become a little too comfortable when they start breaking out the flannel and bathrobe. And please, no more Ugg boots. When’s the last time you heard any mention of the mile high club? This may be the reason why.
Non-refundable ticket exchange, reservation by phone, unaccompanied minor, first checked, second checked, additional bags, overweight, over-sized preferred seats, priority seating….Booking a cheaper flight? Don’t expect to pay peanuts without compromising your snacks.
“Pre-9/11 Airport Security”
Older generations may recall a time when being touched inappropriately only happened in the bedroom, not in an hour-long security line. They may have been younger then, just as we were when we began waiting in line to board our flight. Don’t forget to take out your laptop, take off your shoes, remove your coat, ditch your pocket change and forget about your personal hygiene products they’ll snatch your soap right up.