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Stories

Happy Father’s Day From Some Truly Funny Dads

by K. Gitter

6 years ago

Dad jokes can be cringeworthy at best — and painful at worst.

But jokes about being a dad? Now that’s a way to celebrate Father’s Day that we can get behind.
Here are some of the funniest dads — telling some of their funniest dad jokes.

Everybody takes daddy for granted. Just listen to the radio: Everything’s momma. What’s the daddy song? ‘Papa Was A Rolling Stone.’

Chris Rock, on dads getting some recognition

The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I’ve gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!

Jerry Seinfeld, on putting kids to bed

Every night before I get my one hour of sleep, I have the same thought: ‘Well, that’s a wrap on another day of acting like I know what I’m doing.’ I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. Most of the time, I feel entirely unqualified to be a parent. I call these times being awake.

Jim Gaffigan, on whether he’s doing the dad thing right

I tease my kids. I’m big on that. Like, my kids have big heads. I tell them every day like, ‘Dude, your heads are huge. It’s so disgusting how big your heads are.’ I say it before anybody else does. That’s part of my parenting.

Kevin Hart, on helping kids develop a thick skin

Having children is like living in a frat house: Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Ray Romano, on living with kids

When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet ’til my legs fell asleep. You know why your father spends so long on the toilet? Because he’s not sure if he wants to be a father.

Louis C.K., on getting some alone time

Fatherhood is great, because you can ruin someone from scratch.

Jon Stewart, on influencing the easily influenced

(Source: CNN By Nancy Coleman Father’s Day observations from some truly funny dads)

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