Remember Duck and Cover Drills?

You gotta give the American propaganda writers credit for turning a terrifying concept into a cute jingle.

All throughout my childhood, the threat of nuclear war always hung in the air, even if it was never talked about. It simply became one of those things that we pretend isn’t there, while we nestle ourselves deeper and deeper into our own…well, shells.

Funny, then, that the old “Duck and Cover”” videos featured a turtle.

I get that the target audience was grade-school children. I get that it was supposed to hammer home a very important concept. I get that, in the face of war with Khrushchev, we had to take every precaution.

I get it, but what I never could get is how my 3rd grade teacher tried to tell me with a straight face that hiding under a desk would protect me from a nuclear blast.

Even at 9 years old, I knew that “”Duck and Cover”” was, at best, simply a method to get me closer to my backside so I could kiss it goodbye.