Weird Food Only 1970s Kids Would Remember

Snack food is some of the best food. Generally not super healthy, eaten furtively between meals as you worry about “ruining your appetite,” snack food generally packs a flavor punch that boring old normal food just can’t match. And while we have some pretty amazing snack food today, I’m looking at you Doritos, snack food back in the day was on a whole other level. Weirder, more delicious, and way grosser. All at the same time.

Today we’re going to be taking a look at some of the snack foods that defined the 1970s. Now, let’s whet our appetite with some delectable treats!

Jell-O Pudding Pops

Ah Jell-O Pudding pops, the rounder, richer version of a fudgsicle that packed all the smooth, amazing mouth feel of its namesake into a concoction so cold it made you wanna wear multiple sweaters! The confection took the country by storm when it was released in the late seventies, with Americans spending over $100,000,000 on them the first year alone. Sadly, due to flagging sales and the general pain in the ass of keeping all them pops cold, Jell-O sold the brand to Popsicle in 2004, who changed the shape and texture of the product, always a good idea with a great product, thereby dealing the final death blow to our beloved Pudding Pop.

RELATED: 15 Weird Foods That You Won’t Believe People Actually Ate In The 1950s

Space Food Sticks

In 1970 Pillsbury filed a trademark for what they described as a “non-frozen balance energy snack in rod form containing nutritionally balanced amounts of carbohydrate, fat and protein.” Fortunately, some marketing exec realized that the public probably wasn’t about to buy that, and Space Food Sticks were born. Basically, a protein bar before getting shredded was cool, Space Food Sticks attempted to capitalize on the popularity of the Apollo missions throughout the 70s, and actually were eaten on the space station Skylab 3 in 1972. But then the 80s happened, and the treat disappeared from shelves completely, except in Australia for some weird reason, where they continued to be a favorite snack for such luminaries as Olympic swimmer Ian Thorpe up until 2014.

Mug-O-Lunch

The ’70s sure were bizarre times, exemplified perfectly by the release in 1977 of the horridly, but aptly, named Mug-O-Lunch. Because who wouldn’t want to go to work and eat instant beef noodles and gravy out of a mug like a starving college student? Despite their obvious appeal to deadbeat dads, the Mug-O-Lunch was gone from stores by 1981, possibly because single-use mugs weren’t a wise way to spend money, and possibly because they were gross. But we’ll always have to be a little thankful for the weird relic of the ’70s, because Mug-O-Lunch walked so that Cup Noodles could run!

Danish Go Rounds

A toastable Danish pastry that lets you have the flaky goodness of the best Nordic country at your fingertips at a moment’s notice? Yes Please! On the face of it, Danish Go Rounds were a great idea. No one is going to go to the trouble of actually making pastry dough at home, we’re a proud nation of lazy people! So boom, pop one in a toaster and we’re good to go. I only have two quibbles. A: the name sounds either like a two-year-old thought of it, or the marketing people put a placeholder name on and it slipped through the cracks. B: It just looks dry, like a pop tart. And yes I know Danish Go Rounds were first. But apparently, not enough people agreed, as the snack was gone by 1977.

Koogle

In 1971 Kraft introduced Koogle, a flavored peanut butter spread, because kids are dumb and will buy anything and the 70s were scary. Koogle came in chocolate, cinnamon, vanilla, and banana, and its mascot was a giant jar with spinning eyeballs, frog-like arms and legs, and a “jive” voice based on Wolfman Jack. Because of course. Unfortunately for all the “Koog Heads” out there, the snack was discontinued by the middle of the decade. But I think Koogle was just ahead of its time because it sounds a whole heck of a lot like Nutella without all that fancy French marketing.

Concentrate Cereal

The undisputed king of Byegone breakfast is without a doubt Kellog’s Concentrate Cereal. Consisting of small flakes that resembled nothing so much as fish food, and coming in a sleek gold box, thousands of kids started their days with a heaping bowl of pure concentrate. Kellogg’s claimed their wonder cereal contained “the greatest concentration of nutrients ever offered in a single all-purpose food”. And specifically more protein than an egg, more vitamin B6 than five carrots, and more vitamin D than a quart of milk, which honestly just sounds like a bunch of lies. And it being the ’70s, it might have been. Whether truth or lies is a moot point, however, as Concentrate didn’t outlive the decade.

Pop Rocks

The world changed in 1976 when Pop Rocks were released to the general public. Who can forget that first moment when they popped some in their mouth, and something began to happen? A million fizzing explosions that lit up your tongue like the sky on the fourth of July. Forget the Moon landings, Pop Rocks were truly the sign that America was entering the future, and a brave new world where anything was possible. And then it all ended in 1983 when the candy was pulled from the shelves, whether because of flagging sales or rumors that consuming the candy with cola would lead to an exploding stomach, like how child actor John Gilchrist was rumored to have died. Fortunately, 25 years after that colossal mistake, pop rock rose like Jesus, and all was again right with the world.

Tidbits

I know we have goldfish. And I know we have cheese-its. But haven’t you always longed to leave the world of squares and aquatic animals and have your crunchy cheese snacks come in rod form? Well think way back to the 70s, and boom, there you go. Tidbits. And no, I’m not talking about the modern meringues that are advertised as having no sugar or dairy which makes them basically 100% plastic, I’m talking about that crunchy, cheesy snack from our youth that resembled the Ecoli virus blown up a million times. More fun to eat than modern cheese crisps, Tidbits are unfortunately out of reach in our terrible modern society. Boo.

Cool Whip

Although initially released in the late ’60s, Cool Whip perfectly encapsulates the 1970s because it’s basically taking something absolutely amazing, and making it noticeably less good in quality, and just slightly more convenient, which is pretty much the 70s in a nutshell. For those of you living under a rock, Cool Whip is fake whipped cream, or “Whipped topping” as Heinz insists on calling it, that was invented because you can freeze it, and that makes it easier to store and sell. Unlike real heavy cream, Cool Whip will stay good in your freezer for a long time, and you don’t actually have to whip it, although with the proliferation of handheld beaters that’s a super lazy excuse. The problem with Cool Whip is simply that its taste can never, ever compare to the light, airy perfection that is the real thing. So whip your own cream people!

TaB Cola

Anyone attempting to not pack on the pounds by drinking sugar-filled sodas remembers crushing down can after can of TaB cola in the 70s. Invented in the late ’60s to try and muscle into the emerging diet soda market, TaB was named because it helped a person to keep a tab on their weight, which, no it didn’t, and sounds like some boss made a pun he really liked and then forced his minions to name a whole soda line after. Unfortunately for the TaB lovers out there, the introduction of Diet Coke in 1982 pretty much put the kibosh on that silly 70s favorite, and not even the introduction of a clear version of the soda in the 90s was enough to save the brand. Because why on Earth would it?

And there they are. 10 snacks that defined a whole decade. Delicious or atrocious, this is what people were feasting on in between meals back then. How many have you eaten? Anyone pining for a nice steaming Mug-O-Lunch right now? Did we miss any of your favorite snacks? Let us know in the comments below, we read every one!